it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
