I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
