i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
