Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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