your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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