i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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