I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
