wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
