he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
