she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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