this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize