Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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