why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
