Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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