Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
