Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
