I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
