YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize