Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
