the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
