Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
