This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
