my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
