i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
