Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this hospital has no fireball
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
