That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
