Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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