ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize