Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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