I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
