just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
