Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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