I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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