Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
