please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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