he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
