C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
