Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
