hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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