All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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