I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
