i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
