mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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