After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
