i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
