it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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