he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
