I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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