mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I seem to have left my pride at pride
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize