I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
