We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
