I'm drive I can fine osifer
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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