You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
