That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
