She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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