He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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