my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
