is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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