why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
