Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
