I'm jealous of your bromance
from now on my penis is your penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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