You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
