my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
