ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i will never coherently bang her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
