Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
