Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
