I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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