You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
