you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
