the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
