it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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