Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
