you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to be your penis for a week.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
