I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
