No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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