my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
