That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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